Town Hall on "Bullying In America"

Queens Public Television's Queens Update chose to do a special one hour segment on "Bullying In America". So I was invited to join the panel for this town hall discussion on bullying.

I joined fellow panelists Janet Susin (retired teacher, Regional President of National Alliance on Mental Illness), Officer John Groshans (Floral Park Police Department), Kateri Gasper (Queens County Senior District Attorney), Brett A Schudder (President/Chairman SISFI), and Victor Fronari (Director of Division of Child and Addolescent Psychiatry at Zucker Hillside Hospital).

With our on-stage audience and callers from across Queens, we discussed everything from the psychological affects to internet protection strategies. As you might imagine, much of the conversation centered on cyberbullying. Here are a few hightlights:

Trust. For example, if you install parental control software on your child's computer, tell them that you are doing so and explain that it is for their safety should anything happen. By letting them know it is there, they will feel both respected and safe. Sure, they might get upset, but it's much better than them finding out later and starting to wonder what else you aren't telling them.

Build structure. Guidelines help children identify the right choice in a stressful or negative situation. More importantly, setting guidelines helps children build their own inner discipline and take pride in having made the right choice, rather than being forced to do so. Again, it's that respect coming into play. This is pivotal during years when children are starting to formulate their sense of worth.

If you close a door, they climb out the window. You cannot take away technology from this generation. We are in a new age and they feel naked and outcast without the right tools. One child I met recently admitted to buying her own pre-paid cell phone because her parents took hers away. Don't deny access. Set expectations and learn the technology for yourself so you can speak their language.

The list could go forever when it comes to great things discussed. I think the through-line was that we often forget that we are the ones who control technology. There was a time when people lived just fine without this stuff, so it's up to you to decide how much of a role you want it to play in your life. I'll leave you with this: have family dinner. I know, I know, none of us have the time. Don't underestimate what it can do. In this digital age, insist on personal interaction and communication.

QPTV is a non-profit that reaches over 440,000 viewers in the Queens area. They dedicate themselves to providing diverse programming that relates to the interests, concerns and needs of their community. The staff was incredible...thanks to QPTV, my fellow panelists, and all the guests who contributed to our conversation today!! It was an honor to take part!!

Ave Maria Catholic Academy

After my morning at Our Lady of Trust, I went across town to Ave Maria Catholic Academy for another conversation on bullying. These students also designed anti-bullying campaigns, and I want to congratulate all of them on incredible work!

And yes, just like this morning, I kicked off another OUTREACH competition! Ave Maria is our third school to take on the project and we are thrilled to see where they take things in their community! Check out the school's letter to parents about my visit, and the article on The Forum!

Learn more about Project Empower and Outreach.

Our Lady of Trust Middle School

Thank you to the students at Our Lady of Trust Middle School for incredible work designing anti-bullying campaigns today! Students designed posters with unique ideas on how to end bullying in their school. These ideas have been adapted as the schools official policy!

One student asked me how to handle a bully if they don't stop even when you ask a million times. When a bully goes that far to make you uncomfortable, that's when you need to block them from reaching you. Walk different halls to class, pull out the buddy system so you are never alone, and insist that a teacher move you to a different seat (or even different classroom) if they are distracting you. If it's rumor-spreading, ask your friends to make sure no one tells you what the bully is saying. If it's rude messages online, put a block or mark them as spam. Bullies will only bully when they know their actions will reach the victim. If you let them see that they can't get to you anymore, they will eventually give it up.

At the end I had a surprise. Our Lady of Trust is the second school to launch the Project Empower OUTREACH competition!! Good luck to the students!! Can't wait to see your results!! Thanks for a great day!

Learn more about Project Empower and Outreach.

Talent Show Judge

Today I answered a big question: am I a Simon, Randy or Paula? Answer: Paula. I was hoping my usual consistent use of the word "dude" would place me as a Randy but my constant grin gave me away as I joined the judging panel for Break-Through Talent's 2011 Industry Showcase.

By my side were Barry Shapiro (casting director for Hermon and Lipson) and Heather Finn (agent at Frontier Booking International.) We watched as performers of all ages and styles showed their best skills and after casting our votes we called back several and gave notes before having them give an encore performance. The goal was to model this experience after a true NYC audition.

After locking in our scores we went onstage for a talk-back session where the participants and their parents could ask us questions about the professional industry and our experiences within it.

Break-Through Talent is an agency and training center in Poughkeepsie, NY. The founder, Pat Gallio, helped guide her own daughters through the world of competitive dance and saw a need for quality training that helps connect young talent into the professional world while helping prepare them for the big move to New York or Los Angelos. Pat and I shared horror stories of scam agencies and the many dangers of being a young artist breaking into the big leagues. Growing up in Rochester, I had very few connections to the mainstream performance industry of New York or Los Angelos. A resource like this is going to be such a dream for young performers in this area who want to start working towards the next level.

More importantly, I love that Pat allowed us to give each performer our feedback. Having been through hundreds of auditions I know how much it stinks to never know what the panel was left thinking after seeing you. Any chance to get feedback is going to give the artist a huge push to improve, as knowing what you can fix means knowing what went right. We all know how easy it is to rip oneself apart after not getting the job. I'm glad we were able to leave each artist with something to love about what they did, and ideas about how to move forward.

Thanks to Pat, my fellow judges, and all the incredible young artists for sharing their talent with us today!!! Hope to see many of these stellar young ladies in the Miss New York system someday.

Albany Medical Center

The eighth and final stop on my Albany tour was to visit patients at The Children's Hospital at Albany Medical Center! This is the eighth Children's Miracle Network Hospital I have gotten to visit so far this year.

I was joined again by Miss Empire Star 2011 Jenn Pollard, who has spent many hours volunteering at this location. Amy and Brenna, two of the hospital's Child Life Specialists, lead us through our visit to the pediatric unit. We stopped by rooms where patients sat comfortably relaxing with family members by their side. In one room we found a young man engaged in a heated race on his Wii as his mother gently put finishing paint strokes on a small bird house. In another, a girl's walls were plastered with hand painted signs from friends and a mountain of stuffed animals sat smiling from her bedside. Each time we left a room the staff adjusted the lights or sent for any additional comforts the patient seemed to want. So proactively supportive of each patient! From those who had been there for meer hours to those patients who'd been around for weeks, staff knew the needs and - more impressively - likes of each child.

Every few minutes we would pass a room full of games or books, with no patient's room more than fifteen feet from a place to play. At one point we stopped by the main play room. A large tree with a grinning face stood tall in one corner, towering amiably over half the room. A tiny stuffed bear was swinging, literally, from his branches. A glass paneled wall curved up and over our heads to give the room a panoramic view of the sunset. From Barbie Dream Car to Hess Trucks, every classic toy lined the floor as parents sat calmly watching little ones play. We got down to do just the same.

Albany Med brings in patients from across the region and even neighboring states. I met one doctor on the way out who performs surgery on hearts the size of coffee beans. This is also the first hospital to perform an EXIT procedure in the Capitol region. Partnered with Albany Medical College, they have the best new doctors coming to them each year. Children's Miracle Network helps them maintain equipment that maximizes this staff's skills. All day I had been told how lucky I was to be visiting here, so clearly the community knows just how good this center is.

Thank you to Amy, Brenna, and all of the staff for showing Jenn and me around!! And thanks to all our new friends! We'll be back again soon!

You can help me support this hospital. New Yorker's have helped me raise nearly $4,000 for Children's Miracle Network to benefit their New York State hospitals, just like this one. Learn how here!

Talking with the NYS School Boards Association about Dignity for All Students

Sat down today at the headquarters for the New York State School Boards Association to discuss the Dignity for All Students Act in New York. This new policy will require schools to implement bullying training for staff by this coming June. I have had almost all of the schools I've worked with reach out to me for recommendations on programs to utilize in response to this new requirement. Since the specifics of the requirements are still up in the air, I reached out to some of the policies leaders to get the scoop. I'm excited to say that I've reached out to my friends at many of the nation's top anti-bullying organizations to ask if they would be interested in custom fitting some of their curriculum to meet the needs of this new policy. Every one of them has expressed interest.

I will be working in partnership with these organizations and the NYSSBA to make the transition into the new Dignity For All Students Act policy easy and effective for schools across New York. Stay tuned for updates!

Park Terrace Elementary School

This morning I joined parents, staff, students and Miss Empire Rose 2011 herself, Colleen Gagne, at Park Terrace Elementary to talk about bullying and help present the school's leadership awards!

After chatting with Principal Steve Pavone I learned that this school is not just about stopping bullies, it's about building futures. They are developing partnerships with local colleges to help students start on the path to success from an early age. I had sensed something was special about this school when we walked by a boulder with "bullying...just stop it" painted across the front.

My usual talk about how to be a leader was a breeze with this crowd, and after our discussion I helped award nearly 80 students for their excellence in leadership and outstanding character in the month of November. An audience of parents cheered. Each month teachers at Park Terrace have this chance to highlight and reward exceptional behavior in their students. Bullying research has shown that punishing or criminalizing a bully is far less effective than rewarding positive behavior.

What I love about this model of rewards is that not only do the good students get attention, but every student has a chance each month to turn their behavior around. It's not a once a year shot, it's a constant open door and regular opportunity that any student can take up. Life is not about getting it perfect from the start, or even about where you have been along the way...it's about where you are going right now. It's about the steps you choose today and how you handle the opportunities right in front of you. One can always learn from their past, but I don't believe in defining people entirely by their history. Every morning is a new chance and could be the day you start fresh. Even if you've been the bully for years on end, or slacked on your school work, or failed to keep in touch with friends, or waiting to start up that new business idea...your path can change on a dime if YOU make that choice. This is America, the land of opportunity, and Park Terrace is doing an incredible job of making those opportunities clear for their students!

Click to see a great news clip from my visit! Thanks to all the students and staff for a great time, and to all the parents for showing such incredible support for their little ones!!

P.S. Yes, of COURSE I signed the rock.